Here's a really interesting site. He's got some interesting points. I've got some opinions on them though. Below is the link if you'd like to view the author's blog. In white are his opinions. In pink are mine.
Men's Rules
*Men's Rules - Our turn*
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE! :P
1. Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don't try to change that.
...okay, but don't be surprised if I kick you in the balls and walk away while you're distracted. I don't look at penises, why should you get to look at breasts?
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
...a very good point, actually. But I guess for this one I would like to call upon chivalry. Be a gentleman and use those strong arms to put the damn seat down.
1. Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
...okay, enjoy. I'm gong shopping. I need a couple hundred bucks. *puts hand out for money (during a commercial of course)*
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
...neither is weight lifting.
1. Crying is blackmail.
...but it works :P If you didn't let it work, we couldn't use it.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
- Subtle hints do not work!
- Strong hints do not work!
- Obvious hints do not work!
- JUST SAY IT!
...we like to see you suffer, and we like to be able to be pissed at you even more because you don't get the hints. It helps us justify your asshole-ness.
1. ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
...unless you're dealing with a woman. Those answers will just land you sleeping on the couch. Dumbass.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
...no, that's what you're for. We need a double dose of sympathy. Sympathy from you AND our girlfriends. So if you don't deliver, bye bye.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
...or maybe we should just dump the headache.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
...haha, you only wish. We like to recycle. We will remember and reuse.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
...I suggest that you don't tell your girlfriend/wife that. For your own safety. Seriously.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
...I can't count how many times I've heard that one. :P We know you meant it the way we took it. We've got intuitions that we trust.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
...Well, we hope that you will do it how we want it in the first place, but you're usually not that smart.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
...Unless the commerical has a hot girl in it. You won't pay attention to what we have to say even then.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
...Christopher Columbus was looking for Asia. Enough said. Oh, and if you'd like to argue that 'well it turned out even better that he didn't find Asia' may I remind you that almost all of the natives were eventually killed by either STDs, diseases brought over by the Spaniards, or from being enslaved. Oh yes, and those Spaniards were such gentlemen...impregnating the natives and not claiming the children. Wow, not much has changed in the past 500 years.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.
- Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour.
- Pumpkin is also a fruit.
- We have no idea what mauve is.
...I have no clue what mauve is either, but I know it's a color at least. So, I'm sorry if your vocabulary isn't very large. That actually shocks me seeing how guys are "visual" oriented. You know exactly what color of bikini the centerfold in Maxim was wearing but you never notice when your girlfriend/wife dresses up for you. Strange. Here's a little hint: "Oh, this rag? I just threw it on" actually means "I just bought it today after spending 2 hours shopping for just the right outfit and then spent another 3 hours getting ready, so compliment me!"
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
...that's cool. Don't be surprised if we do also, though. :P (Can we say double standard? You can scratch your balls and it's cool, but if I would scratch my vagina it'd be "unladylike" and gross).
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
...yeah, we know. Which is why we get even more pissed. You won't even take the time to work stuff out with us.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
...we keep hoping that maybe you won't be stupid. Maybe we should just accept that you are. *hands you a pillow and blanket and motions you to the couch*
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine, Really.
...until we're out in public and you're either embarrassed cuz your friends will think we look too hot or you're embarrassed cuz you WISHED your friends would think we look too hot. Either way we're screwed.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics:
- Sex,
- Sport, or
- Cars
...I've learned this is true. Mention sex and you can get a guy's attention almost anytime. However, every "emotional" topic is either explained in sports terms or car concepts. NEWS FLASH: GIRLS DONT CARE ABOUT CARS. THAT'S LIKE US EXPLAINING TO YOU HOW HORNY WE ARE IN TERMS OF TYPES OF FLOWERS. Kinda kills the mood, eh? That's how we feel.
1. You have enough clothes.
...We like clothes like you like cars. Deal with it. If you want us to get rid of clothes, don't be surprised if parts of your car start disappearing too.
1. You have too many shoes.
...You have too many car pictures. At least my shoes serve a purpose.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
...Oh really? Cool, then so am I. I bet you're so horny now.
